OK, I know what you're thinking. The advertised focus of this blog is the erotic aspects of gaining; it's in the name, for heaven's sake! And yet here is another (hopefully) thought-provoking post. Well, you have every right to feel that way; however, let me posit a counterargument, if I may. Smart is the new sexy. Actually, in my opinion there's nothing new about the sexiness of intelligence, though I think it is gaining traction in the broader cultural sphere, so the statement seems more or less accurate. Personally, I am possessed of a highly introspective nature, and while I can usually focus on specific aspects of things pertaining to the human experience in order to discern their particular nature, ultimately they are all deeply interrelated (at least in my mind), and so in this way philosophical inquiry is not, in fact, divergent from the erotic pursuit of gaining. It is integral to it. At least in some ways. So without further ado, let's dive right in.
I am writing this post because the topics I wish to cover have been at the forefront of my mind lately, as I pursue my own winding weight gain path, and, as much as I'm happy to sit and stew over these things all by my lonesome, I think conversation is superior to exclusively internal dialog; it is certainly more fun. Also, I suspect other folks may think about these things, and perhaps by sharing my thoughts, maybe I can help others deal with the same issues I face. Or maybe that's just me falling prey to hubris. I will let the reader decide.
Inquiry Number One: Concerning the ethics of gaining
I find myself often conflicted about the ethics of gaining. This is because I have spent much of my adult life involved to some extent in the local/organic/sustainable food movement, and these issues of food sustainability and whatnot are very important to me. How, then, can I justify overeating, often low-quality food, and still stay true to my principles? This question plagues me almost more than any other. And yet, the insistent urge to gain will not be denied. So I spent some time, a great deal of time, in fact, considering the issue, and this is what I have come up with.
Most of my meals are in fact very "healthy". I put healthy in quotes because it is such a loaded term. Some people use "healthy" to describe low-fat, or diet foods, though many of these in fact are not particularly nutritious. I use the word "healthy" to refer to foods which are nutrient dense, fresh, lacking in artificial chemicals (particularly preservatives), and as little refined as possible. For example I prefer to eat sprouted grain bread and brown and wild rices, though when it comes to pasta whole wheat is simply disgusting, so I go white. To this I add a stunning array of vegetables, all procured as locally and seasonally coordinated as possible. I am also a vegetarian, and have been for almost twenty years. Now, you must be thinking, what the hell kind of gainer are you?!?
I love a junk food pig out as much as the next fat dude. Ice cream, pizza, donuts, and anything chocolate are my particular favorites. But I try to save those for occasional abuse, and for when I just need to feel like I'm getting FATTER. However, on a day to day basis, I "beef up" my calorie intake in a number of very simple ways. Carbohydrates are loaded with calories. Sure, I eat whole grains, but I them in quantity. I carb load for marathons I will never run. Dried fruits are also full of carbohydrates, as well as nutrient dense, tasty, and easy to snack on. I also incorporate plenty of fat into my diet. Fat is even more calorie-dense than carbohydrates. I try to use "good" fats, though, such as olive and canola oils, avocados, nuts and nut butters, coconut oil and milk, etc. In this way I add a significant amount of calories into my diet, enjoy my food, and yet still feel confident that I am supporting a sustainable food system.
And as to those junk food binges, well, let's be honest, who wants to be a perfect goody two shoes? Sometimes it's important to break your own rules even if for no other reason than to remember why you have them. At the very least we should never fall into the trap of obsessive consistency; as Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds". Eat a few dozen donuts now and again. It enlarges your mind, as well as your waistline.
There is an additional element of this inquiry which I wish to examine; this is what I think of as the "Third World Argument". What I mean by this can summed up in the question: "How can I overeat and get fat when so many people in the world don't have enough?" This question plagues me almost daily, and I think it is a very important one to look at, not least of all because it is one which most of us would rather not think about.
All over the world, even in our own wealthy, industrialized nations, millions, even billions of people cannot get enough to eat. The reasons for this are manifold, and are based in political struggles, ineffective food distribution systems, unequal distribution of wealth, and corporate greed. As you may have been able to tell from what I have written so far, I feel morally inclined to help people on the broader social scale. This may not be true of everyone reading this, and if so, by all means feel free to gloss to the next section with impunity; I am not here to judge, only to share my thoughts.
This bleak state of affairs for me calls into question the ethics of getting fat. It seems, at first glance, unjust that I even have the option of gluttony, when so many lack the option of "enough". However, the reason why so many have so little is not the fault of individuals in society, but of the forces at work on a global scale. Even if every individual in the modern industrialized world decided to go on a crash diet, it would not solve the problem. Nor would it worsen the situation if all of us decided to get fat. The volume of the problems being faced are beyond such simple arithmetic. Upon reaching this understanding, my conscience is at least partially quelled.
The remaining, lingering sense of guilt (note: I grew up Catholic; guilt had to come up somewhere) I sometimes feel I choose to use as a motivator. I indulge in sexual gluttony, and do so gladly in the knowledge that outside the bedroom it encourages me to work toward greater equality in the world; it makes me a more generous, giving person; it makes me a more understanding and sympathetic person. Can this possibly be a bad thing? In this way I turn my feelings of reticence into a call to action. While not everyone may wish to get fat, we all deserve the option to do so. It may sound strange, and perhaps my logic is a bit spotty in places, but this is what I have come up with as a result of genuine philosophical inquiry, and it works for me. If you struggle with these issues, then I hope it helps you too.
Inquiry Number Two: Concerning the Balance of Sexual Proclivities and Daily Life
This, I think, is really one of the foundational questions I toss around my mind when it comes to the ethics of gaining. In fact, it should probably be inquiry number one for that very reason, but I am just too lazy to move it, and I rather like easing into the big one. So here it is.
While this certainly may not be the case for all gainers, for me, and I assume for many of us, gaining is a sexual fetish, first and foremost. Therefore, every decision I make based on my desire to gain represents sexual motivations, for the most part (I do recognize that there are other motivations involved, for some of us more than others, but generally sexual gratification, at least for me, is the primary motivation). My quandary is this: how can I let my sexuality dictate choices that affect so many other aspects of my life, from grocery shopping to health to personal fashion, and beyond?
This is a tough one for me because I like to think of myself as an intelligent, reflective, responsible, even at times (heaven forbid) sensible individual, and people with these qualities do not make big decisions based on what their penises want. Well, that is, in my opinion, a lot of hooey manure. A few paragraphs back I was arguing that philosophical inquiry and sexual fulfillment are both part of a single whole; how can I turn around now and argue that they are mutually exclusive?
The fact is that we are all dynamic, multi-faceted individuals, and we constantly act on a huge variety of subtle motivations and drives, many of which we ourselves do nut understand or are even conscious of. I don't think that you can tease out anything as an exclusively sexual impulse, nor should you try. Yes, gaining is part of our sexuality as gainers, but sexuality is itself part of our greater persona. It is, or at least ideally it is, part of our integrated self, and one of the many needs that must be included in any consideration of what makes us happy and what we want out of life, just as much as our need for food, shelter, and social bonds.
It is extremely important for all of us to pay attention to our motivations and needs. If we try to suppress or deny them, they do not go away; rather they become stronger for lack of fulfillment and prone to erratic, dramatic expression when we least expect it, and when we have the least control over it. If we allow for the expression of these needs and desires and nurture them within ourselves, we have the power to integrate them into who we are. Now, I am not trying to say that doing this is particularly easy; it takes a lot of inner strength to really be honest with ourselves about who we are and what we want. However, if we approach these questions consciously, with a capacity for acceptance, a sense of adventure, and, probably most important of all, a great sense of humor, then we have the ability to be the people we truly wish to be. And for us gainers, being fat is just part of the fun.
Inquiry Number Three: Concerning Social Acceptance
I'm not sure this qualifies as a philosophical inquiry so much as a reflection, but then, I am also not a philosopher by trade, so I claim indemnity on the basis of being an amateur.
I think that fear of lack of social acceptance is probably the single biggest stumbling block most of us gainers face. Who wants to be lonely? While a few souls among us prefer solitude on a perpetual basis, most of us need social bonds as much as we need food and sleep. I consider myself a bit of a loner; I like spending time alone, I enjoy doing things by myself, and I am not afraid to go against the crowd in most things. However, if I go more than a few days without some kind of meaningful interaction with another person, I feel it as surely as if I were fasting. I get "hungry" for human contact. Many people need much more interaction than that, even, and that is perfectly healthy and normal. We are social creatures and tend to thrive in communal settings. Which is really a fancy way of saying we all got to have a posse.
Naturally, then, one of the biggest fears gainers face is the lack or loss of social acceptance. Sadly this fear is founded in some amount of truth; the culture we live in does not love fat. Therefore, if we choose to become fat, we forfeit the social bonds that are so essential our happiness. Must we choose between denying ourselves the essence of who we are and making this immense sacrifice?
This is why I leave this, perhaps the most pivotal item, for last. Before we worry about achieving acceptance among our peers, we must first achieve acceptance in ourselves. The items I discussed previously are for me, and I am guessing for at least some of you, the greatest stumbling blocks to personal acceptance in gaining. We fear that people will look down on us, that our friends will no longer wish to be seen with us, that all of our fears will be realized, and we will be alone. However, the last time I checked, there are a lot of fat people walking around out there. There are some beautiful, fat men and women to be found all over the world, and most of them don't have trouble fitting into society, maintaining meaningful relationships, and doing important work.
As time goes on I have come to think that our greatest stumbling block to acceptance is not among our peers, but within ourselves. When I imagine the voices of my friends and family raised in objection to my weight gain, they are just that: my imagination. The arguments I imagine being raised are really just the arguments I myself struggle with. This is not to say that our loved ones will not raise their own objections, of course. However, if we can first quell those arguments within ourselves, then we can stand tall and be proud of who are, knowing that we have made our choices consciously, and confidently. And people tend to respect confidence. If we are confident in our choices, as a result of examining and countering our own doubts and fears, then we stand a far greater chance of achieving acceptance among our peers.
And quite frankly, anyone who cannot accept you for who you truly are - the wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, caring, sexy, talented, FAT soul you are - then consider it their loss. Anyone who truly cares about you will see you for who you are and accept you as you are. As someone said - thank you internet memes! - there are a lot of worse things you can be than fat. And let's be honest, fat is hot. Fat is sexy. Fat makes us confident. Fat is part of who we are. We are gainers, and our destiny is to be well and truly FAT.
Congratulations! You've made it through the twists and turns of my quasi-logical ramblings. If you made it this far, I thank you for taking the time and energy to do so. Also, I invite you to respond, critique, flirt, counter-argue, high-five, or engage in whatever form of discussion you are moved to by emailing me, or message me on Grommr. You all are a bunch of rockstars.
Note: I will try to post more frequently in the coming weeks. And I promise I will get back to the focus of this blog: Fat is sexy. Until then!
