In The Beginning...

Ahem. Maestro, cue the theme music! (Begin theme from 2001: A Space Odessey) In the beginning, there was the t-shirt and the ball. Beneath the t-shirt the belly was flat and formless. Then a (pre, pre, pre, pre) pre-sexual impulse guided the ball under the t-shirt, and Lo! there was form to the belly, and roundness, and all manner of fat fantasies came forth... And that's how it all began. My earliest memories of gaining begin before I can really even remember, but I know that by four years old stuffing a ball under my shirt was old hat. Soon my technique came to be refined and I was using pillows and stuffed animals. When my friends came over to spend the night, sometimes we would "play fat" and pad ourselves, pretending to be hugely fat. Then, on a fateful day around the age of 8, I was (albeit gently) confronted about this unusual passtime by my mother, who reminded me of the health risks to obesity and so on and so forth. So my padding went underground, both literally and figuratively. But it definitely didn't go away. Fast forward to puberty and I was padding daily after school. Everday I would come home and sneak my stepdad's musky work clothes (he was a construction worker, much more on him later...) out of the hamper and pad myself. I would spend the hours before my parents got home waddling around the house, looking at myself in the mirror, rubbing my huge fatness, and generally being a hornball. In fact, my first orgasm was hands-free and padding-induced: I loved padding all the down into my crotch and around my legs; one day while waddling around the friction between the padding in my crotch and my outrageously horny pubescent penis produced my first explosion. It would be another year or two before I discovered true masturbation, but I was already hooked on a feeling, as they say. By the time I got to college I had put padding behind me, though my sexual fantasies still focused around fat, and, specifically, getting fat. I didn't have a computer of my own, this being back in the prehistoric years of the mid 1990s, and the internet was in its infancy anyway. Then, one day a few years later, surfing a friends computer after he went to bed (trashy, I know, right?) I discovered the iconic Gainrweb. Well, I don't think I have to tell you where all the blood in my body rushed on discovering THAT gem! I still didn't have a computer of my own so I printed some photos and stories and cherished them for years. Not only was I not a freak, but I also wasn't alone! There were other gay guys into this stuff!                                                          I was in my late twenties when I finally had a computer of my own and right away I got to exploring. For a long time Yahoo gainer groups were my primary outlet for sexual fantasies. Then Yahoo groups led me to gainers on Myspace, and that led me to BeefyFrat, and now Grommr. When I look back, I wish I could somehow tell the lonely gainer I was in my early to mid twenties that someday there would be community like I couldn't even imagine yet. It still blows my mind. There were still a few hurdles to jump, however, before I could actually become a gainer myself. For a long time I considered myself an admirer. I just liked to look, and fantasize, but certianly not do. Never! But, in time, thanks to finally actually chatting with others in the community my inhibitions began to recede and my fantasies had new life breathed into them. Suddenly things were really POSSIBLE! Then, something strange began to happen... Growing up I was sort of a chubby kid. Not really chubby, just, you know, and "indoor" kid. I would rather be reading than playing sports. You know what I mean. But then I got into martial arts, and in college I even studied dance (along with music) and, being a young, moderately hip, urban homo I had an image to consider and I stayed thin. It was hard for me - my Irish/German ancestry wanted me to eat potatoes and drink beer, but I was vegan for almost ten years (Hippie alert!! Hippie alert!!) and that helped me stay trim, despite my detached gainer fantasies. But getting back to our story, here I was, finally beginning to explore the gainer world on a more tangible (if still entirely virtual) level. Well, I was getting a little older (i.e. turning 30), and the pounds were harder and harder to keep off. I gave up veganism for regular old vegetarianism (I am still a vegetarian), and gave up nicotine (yes, I was a smoker). And slowly, almost without my noticing, the pounds began to creep on. I went from 150 when I turned thiry (I am 5'7" ) to 170 a year later. And I LIKED it. I still wasn't ready to call myself a gainer, but I started taking pictures, and I realized I liked that too. I liked, no I LOVED showing off my expanding belly! It was an incredible turn on for me to pose, push my belly out, and all around just let go and give in to the deep, visceral, sexual pleasure of getting FAT, even if it was still (mostly) just fantasy. Some of the last obstacles to realizing a gainer reality came about three years ago, when my partner and I moved from our beloved Wisconsin homeland to the suburban wilds of Southern California. We had been together about two years at this point, and he still knew nothing of my burgeoning gainer sexuality. So, I decided that before we took this monumental step together I needed to be honest about who I was and what I wanted. I'm happy to say that from that day right up to this one he has been nothing but supportive and understanding of the whole thing. In fact, even though he himself really isn't into gaining or encouraging per se, it has opened up interesting new doors for us, and he has been all about indulging in my fantasies (and I in his!). This part I recount mainly for those reading this (hello?? Hello?? Anyone there??) who are in commited relationships but not "out" to their partners. Certainly I have been particularly lucky with mine, but coming out doesn't have to mean the end of the world. So, that pretty much brings us up to the present. I have to say that moving to a new town was a huge opportunity for me getting comfortable with the idea of gaining weight. I mean, sure, it's one thing in the bedroom to want to get fat, but translating that to the street can be tough (as I'm sure most gainers can attest to). But being in a new place you get to give a whole new impression of who you are when you meet people and really start new in a lot of ways. So, with support from my partner, insight from an outstanding (now sadly departed and dearly missed) therapist, and the encouragement of countless online brothers I have slowly embarked on a real life journey of fatness. From shoving a ball under my shirt as a little kid to shoving donuts in my mouth as an adult, this has been a pretty wild trip, but I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy to have people to share it with (psst! Psst! I mean YOU, oh gracious blog reader! So, why am I writing all of this? Why am I telling you my life story? Well, there are a few reasons. Firstly, we all have a story to tell, and being unique to us its worth hearing. Also, as our community grows and develops I think the insight of all its members is invaluable, and felt it was my turn to give something back. And lastly, and you may have guessed this from the title of this blog, if I do my job right, this blog will get you HORNY! I'll be honest - I'm a very sexual person, and gaining is the epitome of sexual desire for me. One of the main reasons I want to put this out there is to create a space for free, open, safe, and respectful erotic exploration in the G/E sphere. In the coming weeks, I plan on getting an amateur Xtube account going, for those who are looking for some gainer porn (because the world needs some!). So those are my goals: tell a story, reflect and be thoughtful, and HAVE SOME FUN! In the coming days, weeks, and months, I will be sharing stories, personal accounts, thoughts, and erotic dreams for any who want to swing by my little corner of the world wide web. I'm hoping at least a few of you will want to engage, comment, and even contribute, though there's no pressure. There is only one rule of the land: Please be respectful! Of me, our community, and, most of all, yourself. That being said, let's have some fun! -Gainerotic