Howdy boys! Sorry for the long delay since the last post. A lot has been going on the last few months. I started school full time last August, and between that and work I've been pretty busy, and just haven't had much time for my poor blog. On the upside, I do have some new material I'm working on, that hopefully I'll be able to post soon. But for now, I want to take a few minutes to answer a question that I've been getting a lot of lately...
"Why did you lost weight???" is something I get asked virtually everyday. It's a totally valid question, though I do get a little weary of answering it over and over, so here, once and for all, I'll take a stab at answering it. But first, it'll take a little background.
As those of you who've read through this blog know, my interest in gaining began very, very young. However, due to the societal pressures that we are all familiar with, and lack of access to a gainer community I didn't even know existed yet, I wasn't even fully aware of my own gainer-ness until a few years ago. It was then that I made the happy discovery of BeefyFrat, and all the associated web network. I was absolutely floored. Here at last was the key that had been missing from my, up to that point, totally unfulfilling sex life. I can't even begin to express my excitement.
I dove in head first and began talking to other gainers and encouragers and trying to figure out where I fit in. It was around that time that my partner and I moved to across the country together, and without a social network here, the online community became my new group of friends. However, my relationship with it remained almost exclusively online. A lot of the reason for that was that I was in a relationship; and while technically we had an open relationship, and my partner was more or less philosophically supportive of my involvement in the gainer world, the dynamic was still a little awkward and I felt disconnected.
However, I did not feel so disconnected that this new virtual world failed to have an impact on my waistline. I knew at this point that I was a gainer, and an encourager, through and through, and it began to show. The first thirty pounds I gained were almost subconscious. I had quit smoking and given up veganism (after about nine years of both) and it was showing. I blew through two sizes in about a year, and went from 150 to 190. But it was still a total abstract experience, I wasn't really gaining "on purpose"; I had no focused encouragement and was still a bit uncomfortable with the idea of getting fat. That being said, gaining forty pounds changes your perspective a bit, and at 190 I decided to go for the gold. I embraced my gainer sexuality fully for the first time and began to go nuts. By January of 2012, I was weighing 210 - 215 and it was extremely erotic.
Unfortunately, the first half of 2012 was a rough year for me. I lost my job in January, and while I found another job six weeks later, it was a really bad situation, and I felt trapped. Things with my partner weren't going great. I felt out of shape and unhealthy. I turned 35 in April and felt like my life was going nowhere. I had to make some changes.
I'd been trying to go back to school for about seven years (coincidentally, moving across the country is a bad way of going about that, just FYI), and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. I had the summer to myself and decided, after a great deal of consideration, that I wanted to just completely reboot my life. I wanted to start fresh. So, I began exercising and eating healthy. I wanted to feel healthy and energetic. There you have reason #1 for losing weight. While I love being fat, and look very forward to being very fat in the future, I never want to be unhealthy, or inactive. The idea is erotic, but in practice it doesn't work for me. I want to be a hiking, biking, weight-lifting, camping sort of fatty. And to do that I felt I needed to start over and actually get in shape and build some good habits before plunging into gaining.
Reason #2 is one I'm sure most of you can relate to. I always wanted gaining to be a shared experience, whether I am in the role of gainer, encourager, or mutual gainer/encourager (my preferred role, by the way). While I got some fulfillment online, I just felt totally disconnected from the real world of gaining, and it was really lonely. If I was going to do this, I wanted to have someone along for the ride with me. I wanted to have that experience of gaining be intentional, and focused, enjoyed, and shared every erotic bite of the way. I am looking for friends, playmates, and, ultimately, someone very special to share this crazy ride with.
The third major reason I decided to lose weight is... a little embarrassing. Or comical. Or sexy. I'll let you, the reader decide. I've always been very turned on by the process of transformation. One of the things I find most erotic about gaining is seeing (or being!) a thin guy, going through that process of eating, and eating, and overeating, and growing, slowly getting bigger and bigger and fatter and outgrowing his clothes... OK. You get the idea. I feel a stirring in my pants already just writing this. I'm sure you can relate. Anyway, because my first gaining experience was so haphazard, I wanted to go back and do it all over again, and do it RIGHT. I want to track and document my progress and my body changes and grows, celebrating every pound, every inch of new fat. Again, ideally this will happen with the aid of friends, playmates, and especially a very special someone.
I did get some very negative feedback from a few guys about my weight loss; I tried to take to heart the things they were saying, though in the end I know I did the right thing for me. One person accused me of betraying the community, which really hurt my feelings. My decision was about what I needed, but I never considered the possibility that others who looked up to me - a notion I hadn't even considered! - might feel betrayed by my choice. To those who felt that way, please accept my humble apologies. Betrayal was never my intention. Sometimes you just have to make hard choices.
Fortunately, I also got a lot of really positive, supportive feedback from various people, who took the time to try to understand my decision. You all know who you are, and I cannot even begin to thank you enough, or tell you how much that meant to me as I went through the last year. Boys, I got your backs now and forever.
So, where does that leave me now? I'm in a place of transition right now. I've stopped losing weight, and begun toying with the idea of gaining again. Right now, I'm still focusing on building muscle, and getting myself into good shape and developing good habits. However, rest assured, fat boys and fat boy makers, this is all in preparation for getting FAT. I also really want to get more involved with the gaining community. I can be pretty shy (despite the impression I'm sure my rampant exhibitionism makes), but I'm trying to come out of my shell. Hit me up, boys! I'm very interested in collaborating on creative material: stories, comics, photo shoots, videos, etc. I'm pretty creative, but working alone puts me at a handicap. Good at photoshop? Have a great idea for a story? Always wanted to show off in front of the camera? Know how to USE a camera? (I sure as hell don't.) Hit me up! Let's get creative.
Well. I think that pretty much brings things up to speed. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read through this. I appreciate it. I know it wasn't a very erotic story (the purported raison d'etre of this blog), but I won't make a habit of it.
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