OK, I know what you're thinking. The advertised focus of this blog is the erotic aspects of gaining; it's in the name, for heaven's sake! And yet here is another (hopefully) thought-provoking post. Well, you have every right to feel that way; however, let me posit a counterargument, if I may. Smart is the new sexy. Actually, in my opinion there's nothing new about the sexiness of intelligence, though I think it is gaining traction in the broader cultural sphere, so the statement seems more or less accurate. Personally, I am possessed of a highly introspective nature, and while I can usually focus on specific aspects of things pertaining to the human experience in order to discern their particular nature, ultimately they are all deeply interrelated (at least in my mind), and so in this way philosophical inquiry is not, in fact, divergent from the erotic pursuit of gaining. It is integral to it. At least in some ways. So without further ado, let's dive right in.
I am writing this post because the topics I wish to cover have been at the forefront of my mind lately, as I pursue my own winding weight gain path, and, as much as I'm happy to sit and stew over these things all by my lonesome, I think conversation is superior to exclusively internal dialog; it is certainly more fun. Also, I suspect other folks may think about these things, and perhaps by sharing my thoughts, maybe I can help others deal with the same issues I face. Or maybe that's just me falling prey to hubris. I will let the reader decide.
Inquiry Number One: Concerning the ethics of gaining
I find myself often conflicted about the ethics of gaining. This is because I have spent much of my adult life involved to some extent in the local/organic/sustainable food movement, and these issues of food sustainability and whatnot are very important to me. How, then, can I justify overeating, often low-quality food, and still stay true to my principles? This question plagues me almost more than any other. And yet, the insistent urge to gain will not be denied. So I spent some time, a great deal of time, in fact, considering the issue, and this is what I have come up with.
Most of my meals are in fact very "healthy". I put healthy in quotes because it is such a loaded term. Some people use "healthy" to describe low-fat, or diet foods, though many of these in fact are not particularly nutritious. I use the word "healthy" to refer to foods which are nutrient dense, fresh, lacking in artificial chemicals (particularly preservatives), and as little refined as possible. For example I prefer to eat sprouted grain bread and brown and wild rices, though when it comes to pasta whole wheat is simply disgusting, so I go white. To this I add a stunning array of vegetables, all procured as locally and seasonally coordinated as possible. I am also a vegetarian, and have been for almost twenty years. Now, you must be thinking, what the hell kind of gainer are you?!?
I love a junk food pig out as much as the next fat dude. Ice cream, pizza, donuts, and anything chocolate are my particular favorites. But I try to save those for occasional abuse, and for when I just need to feel like I'm getting FATTER. However, on a day to day basis, I "beef up" my calorie intake in a number of very simple ways. Carbohydrates are loaded with calories. Sure, I eat whole grains, but I them in quantity. I carb load for marathons I will never run. Dried fruits are also full of carbohydrates, as well as nutrient dense, tasty, and easy to snack on. I also incorporate plenty of fat into my diet. Fat is even more calorie-dense than carbohydrates. I try to use "good" fats, though, such as olive and canola oils, avocados, nuts and nut butters, coconut oil and milk, etc. In this way I add a significant amount of calories into my diet, enjoy my food, and yet still feel confident that I am supporting a sustainable food system.
And as to those junk food binges, well, let's be honest, who wants to be a perfect goody two shoes? Sometimes it's important to break your own rules even if for no other reason than to remember why you have them. At the very least we should never fall into the trap of obsessive consistency; as Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds". Eat a few dozen donuts now and again. It enlarges your mind, as well as your waistline.
There is an additional element of this inquiry which I wish to examine; this is what I think of as the "Third World Argument". What I mean by this can summed up in the question: "How can I overeat and get fat when so many people in the world don't have enough?" This question plagues me almost daily, and I think it is a very important one to look at, not least of all because it is one which most of us would rather not think about.
All over the world, even in our own wealthy, industrialized nations, millions, even billions of people cannot get enough to eat. The reasons for this are manifold, and are based in political struggles, ineffective food distribution systems, unequal distribution of wealth, and corporate greed. As you may have been able to tell from what I have written so far, I feel morally inclined to help people on the broader social scale. This may not be true of everyone reading this, and if so, by all means feel free to gloss to the next section with impunity; I am not here to judge, only to share my thoughts.
This bleak state of affairs for me calls into question the ethics of getting fat. It seems, at first glance, unjust that I even have the option of gluttony, when so many lack the option of "enough". However, the reason why so many have so little is not the fault of individuals in society, but of the forces at work on a global scale. Even if every individual in the modern industrialized world decided to go on a crash diet, it would not solve the problem. Nor would it worsen the situation if all of us decided to get fat. The volume of the problems being faced are beyond such simple arithmetic. Upon reaching this understanding, my conscience is at least partially quelled.
The remaining, lingering sense of guilt (note: I grew up Catholic; guilt had to come up somewhere) I sometimes feel I choose to use as a motivator. I indulge in sexual gluttony, and do so gladly in the knowledge that outside the bedroom it encourages me to work toward greater equality in the world; it makes me a more generous, giving person; it makes me a more understanding and sympathetic person. Can this possibly be a bad thing? In this way I turn my feelings of reticence into a call to action. While not everyone may wish to get fat, we all deserve the option to do so. It may sound strange, and perhaps my logic is a bit spotty in places, but this is what I have come up with as a result of genuine philosophical inquiry, and it works for me. If you struggle with these issues, then I hope it helps you too.
Inquiry Number Two: Concerning the Balance of Sexual Proclivities and Daily Life
This, I think, is really one of the foundational questions I toss around my mind when it comes to the ethics of gaining. In fact, it should probably be inquiry number one for that very reason, but I am just too lazy to move it, and I rather like easing into the big one. So here it is.
While this certainly may not be the case for all gainers, for me, and I assume for many of us, gaining is a sexual fetish, first and foremost. Therefore, every decision I make based on my desire to gain represents sexual motivations, for the most part (I do recognize that there are other motivations involved, for some of us more than others, but generally sexual gratification, at least for me, is the primary motivation). My quandary is this: how can I let my sexuality dictate choices that affect so many other aspects of my life, from grocery shopping to health to personal fashion, and beyond?
This is a tough one for me because I like to think of myself as an intelligent, reflective, responsible, even at times (heaven forbid) sensible individual, and people with these qualities do not make big decisions based on what their penises want. Well, that is, in my opinion, a lot of hooey manure. A few paragraphs back I was arguing that philosophical inquiry and sexual fulfillment are both part of a single whole; how can I turn around now and argue that they are mutually exclusive?
The fact is that we are all dynamic, multi-faceted individuals, and we constantly act on a huge variety of subtle motivations and drives, many of which we ourselves do nut understand or are even conscious of. I don't think that you can tease out anything as an exclusively sexual impulse, nor should you try. Yes, gaining is part of our sexuality as gainers, but sexuality is itself part of our greater persona. It is, or at least ideally it is, part of our integrated self, and one of the many needs that must be included in any consideration of what makes us happy and what we want out of life, just as much as our need for food, shelter, and social bonds.
It is extremely important for all of us to pay attention to our motivations and needs. If we try to suppress or deny them, they do not go away; rather they become stronger for lack of fulfillment and prone to erratic, dramatic expression when we least expect it, and when we have the least control over it. If we allow for the expression of these needs and desires and nurture them within ourselves, we have the power to integrate them into who we are. Now, I am not trying to say that doing this is particularly easy; it takes a lot of inner strength to really be honest with ourselves about who we are and what we want. However, if we approach these questions consciously, with a capacity for acceptance, a sense of adventure, and, probably most important of all, a great sense of humor, then we have the ability to be the people we truly wish to be. And for us gainers, being fat is just part of the fun.
Inquiry Number Three: Concerning Social Acceptance
I'm not sure this qualifies as a philosophical inquiry so much as a reflection, but then, I am also not a philosopher by trade, so I claim indemnity on the basis of being an amateur.
I think that fear of lack of social acceptance is probably the single biggest stumbling block most of us gainers face. Who wants to be lonely? While a few souls among us prefer solitude on a perpetual basis, most of us need social bonds as much as we need food and sleep. I consider myself a bit of a loner; I like spending time alone, I enjoy doing things by myself, and I am not afraid to go against the crowd in most things. However, if I go more than a few days without some kind of meaningful interaction with another person, I feel it as surely as if I were fasting. I get "hungry" for human contact. Many people need much more interaction than that, even, and that is perfectly healthy and normal. We are social creatures and tend to thrive in communal settings. Which is really a fancy way of saying we all got to have a posse.
Naturally, then, one of the biggest fears gainers face is the lack or loss of social acceptance. Sadly this fear is founded in some amount of truth; the culture we live in does not love fat. Therefore, if we choose to become fat, we forfeit the social bonds that are so essential our happiness. Must we choose between denying ourselves the essence of who we are and making this immense sacrifice?
This is why I leave this, perhaps the most pivotal item, for last. Before we worry about achieving acceptance among our peers, we must first achieve acceptance in ourselves. The items I discussed previously are for me, and I am guessing for at least some of you, the greatest stumbling blocks to personal acceptance in gaining. We fear that people will look down on us, that our friends will no longer wish to be seen with us, that all of our fears will be realized, and we will be alone. However, the last time I checked, there are a lot of fat people walking around out there. There are some beautiful, fat men and women to be found all over the world, and most of them don't have trouble fitting into society, maintaining meaningful relationships, and doing important work.
As time goes on I have come to think that our greatest stumbling block to acceptance is not among our peers, but within ourselves. When I imagine the voices of my friends and family raised in objection to my weight gain, they are just that: my imagination. The arguments I imagine being raised are really just the arguments I myself struggle with. This is not to say that our loved ones will not raise their own objections, of course. However, if we can first quell those arguments within ourselves, then we can stand tall and be proud of who are, knowing that we have made our choices consciously, and confidently. And people tend to respect confidence. If we are confident in our choices, as a result of examining and countering our own doubts and fears, then we stand a far greater chance of achieving acceptance among our peers.
And quite frankly, anyone who cannot accept you for who you truly are - the wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, caring, sexy, talented, FAT soul you are - then consider it their loss. Anyone who truly cares about you will see you for who you are and accept you as you are. As someone said - thank you internet memes! - there are a lot of worse things you can be than fat. And let's be honest, fat is hot. Fat is sexy. Fat makes us confident. Fat is part of who we are. We are gainers, and our destiny is to be well and truly FAT.
Congratulations! You've made it through the twists and turns of my quasi-logical ramblings. If you made it this far, I thank you for taking the time and energy to do so. Also, I invite you to respond, critique, flirt, counter-argue, high-five, or engage in whatever form of discussion you are moved to by emailing me, or message me on Grommr. You all are a bunch of rockstars.
Note: I will try to post more frequently in the coming weeks. And I promise I will get back to the focus of this blog: Fat is sexy. Until then!
Friday, September 27, 2013
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Reflections on re-gaining, (auto)eroticism, and finding balance
Well, I just finished my first year as a returning student, and I gotta say, going back to school is one of the best decisions I've ever made. It was a busy year, but I plowed through it and now I've got a mellow summer to look forward to. Among the many projects I have loosely planned for the next few months is some hefty belly growth. That's right! I am happy to report that I am officially re-gaining! I finally felt I had gotten to a good place, health-wise, and was ready to give gaining another go. Like the first time around, it started out a bit accidentally; I was busy with school and just didn't have time to exercise like I had been. That and a subconscious desire to grow got my belly on a new growth kick. Unlike last time, however, I really wanted to own this growth process, do it right, and really enjoy it, so I got a handle on it and am now approaching re-gaining with purpose and a plan (more or less).
I've been hitting the gym, which feels great, and eating big, which feels better. I had almost forgotten the outstanding pleasure of overeating for the purpose of getting fat. Man, has it come home to roost! I exercise a lot - mostly hiking, biking, weights, and yoga - so I have to eat a lot in order to grow. I also generally eat really well; don't get me wrong, I love a junk food pig out session as much as the next fatboy, but I'm trying to save those for special occasions and those days when I feel like I just want to be fat NOW. But for the most part this means eating a LOT of food, and focusing on high-calorie and high-fat foods. I eat massive amounts of carbs, mostly rice, bread, and pasta, and incorporate as much fat into my diet as I can. I eat a lot of nuts, avocados, coconut, and other fatty foods. I also keep high-calorie snack foods around so that I can be sure to eat more or less constantly.
What are the results of all this gluttony so far? Well, I haven't been at it too long, but as of mid-June, I'm up 20lbs to about 185, from my lowest weight of 165 back in January. I'm happy to say that I am loving every minute of re-gaining. My first time through this process I was extremely unsure of myself, and only gained accidentally, or clandestinely. It made self-acceptance as I got fatter very tough to get hold of. This time around, doing it with intention and purpose, really captures exactly what I felt I missed out on last time. So, I thought I'd share some reflections. And for those who are not as much into the erotic stuff (why are you reading this blog, by the way?), be warned: this is where things get sexy.
I'm a pretty sexual person. Obviously. I'm also a lot of other things, and sometimes it's hard to balance. One of my reasons for writing this blog is to express some of that sexuality and give it form. Gaining is, for me, the pinnacle of sexuality. My earliest proto-sexual fantasies were entirely rooted in gaining. That's not to say I'm not into anything else, of course; I'm into lots of stuff, spanning the spectrum from vanilla to very daring. But gaining is at the heart of it all. I also really enjoy masturbation, not merely as a means to and end, but as a pleasurable form of sexual expression in and of itself. This is part of how I got back into gaining.
As it happens, I really enjoy edging. And for those who are unfamiliar with this practice, edging refers to the action of sustained arousal, by choosing not to orgasm as soon as you are able, but to hold off, and continue masturbating, heightening the sensations and stimulation. It is an incredibly erotic experience. So I'm sure you can picture it: here I am, lost in sexual pleasure, jerking off to pictures of gorgeous fat guys, and inevitably, all that fat stimulus seeps into my brain. I begin pushing my little belly out and caress it as I masturbate, fantasizing about eating, and eating, and EATING, and growing, getting round and FAT.
For a while, the fantasy stops there. Eventually I get off, and go back to my "normal" life. Only that sort of stimulus tends to have a more lasting impression. And sure enough, slowly but surely, I began to eat more. It was unconscious at first; I would get cookies with my lunch because I'd worked out and "deserved" them. I would have extra helpings at meals because I need mass to build muscle. Only in reality I was too busy to work out, so the extra calories began to accumulate around my belly. I had already gained ten pounds when I deigned to notice my returning pudge. And slowly, with just a bit agonizing introspection, I realized the time had come for me to get big again.
It had always been part of the plan to gain again, but I wanted to make sure I was ready. I wanted to be healthy about it; I wanted to enjoy it; I wanted to feel confident in my expanding girth. So I sat with it for a while. I continued fantasizing at length about getting fat, and got deeper and deeper into the gainer mentality. I also spent time thinking about it from other perspectives. As much as this is a sexual fetish, to be sure, it has to be incorporated into the rest of your life, I think - especially if means actually getting fat. I thought about how it would be to actually be fat. Both in the bedroom and outside it. I continued to eat, and to overeat, with increasing frequency, and I paid attention to the subtle changes in my body.
The first thing I noticed was my work pants - slim-fitting corduroys - getting tight, very tight. But then everything else started getting tight too. Shorts, cargo pants, t-shirts... I still have some of my clothes from when I was bigger, but they're way too baggy on me - for now - so I had to start grabbing something to wear in the meantime. I realized I was genuinely excited to be having to buy bigger clothes. I loved trying things on and thinking 'hm... this fits, but... I might as well get the next size up; it'll fit soon enough', and then eating a massive meal afterward to help me grow into my new threads.
So, finally school ended about a week ago, and I was able to hit the gym again, which was one of my personal conditions for myself as far as re-gaining. And that pretty much sealed the deal. It feels incredible to be back on the gain train. I do consciously try to eat well, but I'm not a fanatic. And as much as I exercise I need the calories. So I snack. And I eat BIG. And I eat whatever I want. And I enjoy my beers. And slowly but surely, it's showing up on my waistline. And I love it. I want more. I want a lot more. There will always be limits on my actual growth for both health and professional reasons, but I'm alright with that. I can still get pretty darn big, and I intend to have a blast along the way.
One thing I am still a bit up in the air about, and perhaps some or even many of you can relate to this, is determining to what extent I want my sexuality to find expression, particularly in the public sphere. I mean, gaining will always have lasting results beyond the bedroom, and for many of us, that can be a real turn on too. However, as I've reflected these past few years since "coming out" in the gainer community, and slowly come to embrace my sexuality, I've realized just how repressed I've been for most of my life without even realizing it. For so long, I kept my desires so deeply hidden that even I myself was only vaguely aware of them. But now... I feel like I'm making up for lost time, and I'ma little uneasy about how sexual I feel so much of the time.
This blog is a great example of what I'm talking about. I have this incredibly strong fantasy about becoming a gainer porn star; it's one of the single most electrifying fantasies I can imagine. I want to document my weight gain and exploration of my gainer sexuality and share it with all the other horny fatboys and fatboy-makers who can really appreciate it. I have a strong devious, exhibitionist streak, which balances my "public" persona as a shy, nerdy, polite, goofy guy. Brazenly sharing my sexuality is extraordinary turn on for me.
And yet here is the crux: I also really am that shy, nerdy, scholastic guy, and I really hope to make more friends in the gainer community, with whom I also share other interests and passions. My fear is that in presenting this side of myself publicly could make the wrong impression, that I am only the pornstar, and thus jeopardize any future friendships, or other relationships, I might make in the community. Here is where I would politely beg input from any readers who have thoughts on this topic. What do you all think? To what extent does the semi-public (i.e. Grommr, xtube, private blogs, etc.) sharing of sexual exploration get in the way of forming genuine relationships with others within the fetish community? I suspect people in other fetish communities deal with these sorts of issues as well, though gaining is perhaps unique in its potential for truly public expression (we eat in public, the fat we gain we keep outside the bedroom, etc.). I would really, really appreciate any input you all have to share!
On that note, now that school is out for the summer, I do hope to spend more time updating this blog. I love feedback and suggestions, so don't be shy. I'm also going to work on being a bit less shy about sharing my fantasies and whatnot. So, perhaps you'll find things you like here; perhaps some things will be less to your individual tastes, but either way I will strive to present it in a way that is honest, respectful, sexy, and reflective. And hopefully rendered with some literary skill, but no promises! If I'm typing one-handed, I'm at a bit of a disadvantage, but I'll do my best!
Hope all of you are having a great summer, and I look forward to hearing from you!
Contact: gainerotic@gmail.com, or SpiritOfFire on Grommr
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
A long awaited return
Howdy boys! Sorry for the long delay since the last post. A lot has been going on the last few months. I started school full time last August, and between that and work I've been pretty busy, and just haven't had much time for my poor blog. On the upside, I do have some new material I'm working on, that hopefully I'll be able to post soon. But for now, I want to take a few minutes to answer a question that I've been getting a lot of lately...
"Why did you lost weight???" is something I get asked virtually everyday. It's a totally valid question, though I do get a little weary of answering it over and over, so here, once and for all, I'll take a stab at answering it. But first, it'll take a little background.
As those of you who've read through this blog know, my interest in gaining began very, very young. However, due to the societal pressures that we are all familiar with, and lack of access to a gainer community I didn't even know existed yet, I wasn't even fully aware of my own gainer-ness until a few years ago. It was then that I made the happy discovery of BeefyFrat, and all the associated web network. I was absolutely floored. Here at last was the key that had been missing from my, up to that point, totally unfulfilling sex life. I can't even begin to express my excitement.
I dove in head first and began talking to other gainers and encouragers and trying to figure out where I fit in. It was around that time that my partner and I moved to across the country together, and without a social network here, the online community became my new group of friends. However, my relationship with it remained almost exclusively online. A lot of the reason for that was that I was in a relationship; and while technically we had an open relationship, and my partner was more or less philosophically supportive of my involvement in the gainer world, the dynamic was still a little awkward and I felt disconnected.
However, I did not feel so disconnected that this new virtual world failed to have an impact on my waistline. I knew at this point that I was a gainer, and an encourager, through and through, and it began to show. The first thirty pounds I gained were almost subconscious. I had quit smoking and given up veganism (after about nine years of both) and it was showing. I blew through two sizes in about a year, and went from 150 to 190. But it was still a total abstract experience, I wasn't really gaining "on purpose"; I had no focused encouragement and was still a bit uncomfortable with the idea of getting fat. That being said, gaining forty pounds changes your perspective a bit, and at 190 I decided to go for the gold. I embraced my gainer sexuality fully for the first time and began to go nuts. By January of 2012, I was weighing 210 - 215 and it was extremely erotic.
Unfortunately, the first half of 2012 was a rough year for me. I lost my job in January, and while I found another job six weeks later, it was a really bad situation, and I felt trapped. Things with my partner weren't going great. I felt out of shape and unhealthy. I turned 35 in April and felt like my life was going nowhere. I had to make some changes.
I'd been trying to go back to school for about seven years (coincidentally, moving across the country is a bad way of going about that, just FYI), and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. I had the summer to myself and decided, after a great deal of consideration, that I wanted to just completely reboot my life. I wanted to start fresh. So, I began exercising and eating healthy. I wanted to feel healthy and energetic. There you have reason #1 for losing weight. While I love being fat, and look very forward to being very fat in the future, I never want to be unhealthy, or inactive. The idea is erotic, but in practice it doesn't work for me. I want to be a hiking, biking, weight-lifting, camping sort of fatty. And to do that I felt I needed to start over and actually get in shape and build some good habits before plunging into gaining.
Reason #2 is one I'm sure most of you can relate to. I always wanted gaining to be a shared experience, whether I am in the role of gainer, encourager, or mutual gainer/encourager (my preferred role, by the way). While I got some fulfillment online, I just felt totally disconnected from the real world of gaining, and it was really lonely. If I was going to do this, I wanted to have someone along for the ride with me. I wanted to have that experience of gaining be intentional, and focused, enjoyed, and shared every erotic bite of the way. I am looking for friends, playmates, and, ultimately, someone very special to share this crazy ride with.
The third major reason I decided to lose weight is... a little embarrassing. Or comical. Or sexy. I'll let you, the reader decide. I've always been very turned on by the process of transformation. One of the things I find most erotic about gaining is seeing (or being!) a thin guy, going through that process of eating, and eating, and overeating, and growing, slowly getting bigger and bigger and fatter and outgrowing his clothes... OK. You get the idea. I feel a stirring in my pants already just writing this. I'm sure you can relate. Anyway, because my first gaining experience was so haphazard, I wanted to go back and do it all over again, and do it RIGHT. I want to track and document my progress and my body changes and grows, celebrating every pound, every inch of new fat. Again, ideally this will happen with the aid of friends, playmates, and especially a very special someone.
I did get some very negative feedback from a few guys about my weight loss; I tried to take to heart the things they were saying, though in the end I know I did the right thing for me. One person accused me of betraying the community, which really hurt my feelings. My decision was about what I needed, but I never considered the possibility that others who looked up to me - a notion I hadn't even considered! - might feel betrayed by my choice. To those who felt that way, please accept my humble apologies. Betrayal was never my intention. Sometimes you just have to make hard choices.
Fortunately, I also got a lot of really positive, supportive feedback from various people, who took the time to try to understand my decision. You all know who you are, and I cannot even begin to thank you enough, or tell you how much that meant to me as I went through the last year. Boys, I got your backs now and forever.
So, where does that leave me now? I'm in a place of transition right now. I've stopped losing weight, and begun toying with the idea of gaining again. Right now, I'm still focusing on building muscle, and getting myself into good shape and developing good habits. However, rest assured, fat boys and fat boy makers, this is all in preparation for getting FAT. I also really want to get more involved with the gaining community. I can be pretty shy (despite the impression I'm sure my rampant exhibitionism makes), but I'm trying to come out of my shell. Hit me up, boys! I'm very interested in collaborating on creative material: stories, comics, photo shoots, videos, etc. I'm pretty creative, but working alone puts me at a handicap. Good at photoshop? Have a great idea for a story? Always wanted to show off in front of the camera? Know how to USE a camera? (I sure as hell don't.) Hit me up! Let's get creative.
Well. I think that pretty much brings things up to speed. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read through this. I appreciate it. I know it wasn't a very erotic story (the purported raison d'etre of this blog), but I won't make a habit of it.
"Why did you lost weight???" is something I get asked virtually everyday. It's a totally valid question, though I do get a little weary of answering it over and over, so here, once and for all, I'll take a stab at answering it. But first, it'll take a little background.
As those of you who've read through this blog know, my interest in gaining began very, very young. However, due to the societal pressures that we are all familiar with, and lack of access to a gainer community I didn't even know existed yet, I wasn't even fully aware of my own gainer-ness until a few years ago. It was then that I made the happy discovery of BeefyFrat, and all the associated web network. I was absolutely floored. Here at last was the key that had been missing from my, up to that point, totally unfulfilling sex life. I can't even begin to express my excitement.
I dove in head first and began talking to other gainers and encouragers and trying to figure out where I fit in. It was around that time that my partner and I moved to across the country together, and without a social network here, the online community became my new group of friends. However, my relationship with it remained almost exclusively online. A lot of the reason for that was that I was in a relationship; and while technically we had an open relationship, and my partner was more or less philosophically supportive of my involvement in the gainer world, the dynamic was still a little awkward and I felt disconnected.
However, I did not feel so disconnected that this new virtual world failed to have an impact on my waistline. I knew at this point that I was a gainer, and an encourager, through and through, and it began to show. The first thirty pounds I gained were almost subconscious. I had quit smoking and given up veganism (after about nine years of both) and it was showing. I blew through two sizes in about a year, and went from 150 to 190. But it was still a total abstract experience, I wasn't really gaining "on purpose"; I had no focused encouragement and was still a bit uncomfortable with the idea of getting fat. That being said, gaining forty pounds changes your perspective a bit, and at 190 I decided to go for the gold. I embraced my gainer sexuality fully for the first time and began to go nuts. By January of 2012, I was weighing 210 - 215 and it was extremely erotic.
Unfortunately, the first half of 2012 was a rough year for me. I lost my job in January, and while I found another job six weeks later, it was a really bad situation, and I felt trapped. Things with my partner weren't going great. I felt out of shape and unhealthy. I turned 35 in April and felt like my life was going nowhere. I had to make some changes.
I'd been trying to go back to school for about seven years (coincidentally, moving across the country is a bad way of going about that, just FYI), and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. I had the summer to myself and decided, after a great deal of consideration, that I wanted to just completely reboot my life. I wanted to start fresh. So, I began exercising and eating healthy. I wanted to feel healthy and energetic. There you have reason #1 for losing weight. While I love being fat, and look very forward to being very fat in the future, I never want to be unhealthy, or inactive. The idea is erotic, but in practice it doesn't work for me. I want to be a hiking, biking, weight-lifting, camping sort of fatty. And to do that I felt I needed to start over and actually get in shape and build some good habits before plunging into gaining.
Reason #2 is one I'm sure most of you can relate to. I always wanted gaining to be a shared experience, whether I am in the role of gainer, encourager, or mutual gainer/encourager (my preferred role, by the way). While I got some fulfillment online, I just felt totally disconnected from the real world of gaining, and it was really lonely. If I was going to do this, I wanted to have someone along for the ride with me. I wanted to have that experience of gaining be intentional, and focused, enjoyed, and shared every erotic bite of the way. I am looking for friends, playmates, and, ultimately, someone very special to share this crazy ride with.
The third major reason I decided to lose weight is... a little embarrassing. Or comical. Or sexy. I'll let you, the reader decide. I've always been very turned on by the process of transformation. One of the things I find most erotic about gaining is seeing (or being!) a thin guy, going through that process of eating, and eating, and overeating, and growing, slowly getting bigger and bigger and fatter and outgrowing his clothes... OK. You get the idea. I feel a stirring in my pants already just writing this. I'm sure you can relate. Anyway, because my first gaining experience was so haphazard, I wanted to go back and do it all over again, and do it RIGHT. I want to track and document my progress and my body changes and grows, celebrating every pound, every inch of new fat. Again, ideally this will happen with the aid of friends, playmates, and especially a very special someone.
I did get some very negative feedback from a few guys about my weight loss; I tried to take to heart the things they were saying, though in the end I know I did the right thing for me. One person accused me of betraying the community, which really hurt my feelings. My decision was about what I needed, but I never considered the possibility that others who looked up to me - a notion I hadn't even considered! - might feel betrayed by my choice. To those who felt that way, please accept my humble apologies. Betrayal was never my intention. Sometimes you just have to make hard choices.
Fortunately, I also got a lot of really positive, supportive feedback from various people, who took the time to try to understand my decision. You all know who you are, and I cannot even begin to thank you enough, or tell you how much that meant to me as I went through the last year. Boys, I got your backs now and forever.
So, where does that leave me now? I'm in a place of transition right now. I've stopped losing weight, and begun toying with the idea of gaining again. Right now, I'm still focusing on building muscle, and getting myself into good shape and developing good habits. However, rest assured, fat boys and fat boy makers, this is all in preparation for getting FAT. I also really want to get more involved with the gaining community. I can be pretty shy (despite the impression I'm sure my rampant exhibitionism makes), but I'm trying to come out of my shell. Hit me up, boys! I'm very interested in collaborating on creative material: stories, comics, photo shoots, videos, etc. I'm pretty creative, but working alone puts me at a handicap. Good at photoshop? Have a great idea for a story? Always wanted to show off in front of the camera? Know how to USE a camera? (I sure as hell don't.) Hit me up! Let's get creative.
Well. I think that pretty much brings things up to speed. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read through this. I appreciate it. I know it wasn't a very erotic story (the purported raison d'etre of this blog), but I won't make a habit of it.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
A Dream Come True, Chapter 3
A Dream Come True, Chapter 3
He couldn't be quite sure, but Ryan guessed he'd been captive about three months when he was finally allowed to leave his room. He'd spent much of that time tied to the bed, helpless to resist as his jailor fed him an unending stream of fattening meals, swelling his gut larger than he'd imagined possible. And the truth was, he had to admit... he loved it.
Each day Eric would bring him huge trays loaded with food, and always that jug of sweet, delicious shake that made him hunger for every bite and more. His hunger increased exponentially as the days turned to weeks, and soon he was begging to be fed, despite the sheer magnitude of food he regularly consumed. And there was always more food ready to be eaten.
Often his feeder master would tease him, call him names, tell him what a fat pig he was growing into; it only fueled Ryan's immense appetite for more food, more FAT. As time went on, Eric began to join in the feedings, often tormenting Ryan by stuffing his own face while the fattened, hungry piglet moaned in hunger and envy, but also in ecstasy as he reveled in watching his master swell fatter and fatter. Finally, though, he was always rewarded and allowed to glut himself to his belly's content.
Every few days he was weighed and measured, always he was deemed "not quite ready", though for what, his master refused to say. Ready or not, however, Ryan loved his weigh-ins. He loved the heaviness and the swell of his growing belly, certainly, but something about seeing the numbers go up drove him wild. He'd blown past 235, his gut a small beach ball stretching his shirt, and then past 270, when the elastic in his briefs finally yielded to the pressure of now 48" waistline. At 300 he really began to feel his girth as he noticeably waddled and struggled to stand, though 340 was when he truly began to feel FAT.
Now, at 375 lbs, he found himself, post weigh-in, admiring himself in the big mirror in his bathroom. He could hardly believe the transformation. His round, fat belly stuck straight out from his abdomen like a giant beach ball, firm, but also soft and yielding to the touch. His meaty thighs supported a fat bubble butt and his arms were like most guys' thighs. His cock stood totally erect in his briefs (size XXXL, a gift when he hit 300) as he fondled the fatness of his new body.
Eric, himself pushing 300, belly sticking out of an unbuttoned flannel and briefs riding low beneath the round swell, gazed on in pride at his piglet slave and announced that it was time, he was finally ready to leave his room. Taking Ryan by the hand he led him through the door (which Ryan noted had begun to look a bit narrow), down a hallway, and into the main room of the house. Mansion would have been a better word.
He had no idea where Eric had gotten the money for this place but he evidently had plenty of it. The main room was an enormous lounge room, the central feature of which was a small swimming pool. All around the room were big, comfortable looking chairs and soft cushions for laying on. But the thing that really caught Ryan's attention were the other people in the room.
There were about a half-dozen guys sitting lounging around the pool, all in their twenties, all exceptionally handsome, and all fat like Ryan. Most were about his size or a little bigger, but one must have been well over 400 and another pushing 500. They were all lounging together, eating and feeding each other, fat bellies proudly displayed as they lazily satiated their gluttony.
Ryan felt his cock throbbing and his belly rumbling, despite having just finished his usual fatboy's breakfast. His mouth watered and he found himself shaking slightly.
Eric laughed softly. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the rest of the guys," he said and headed over to where the group of gorgeous fat men were lounging.
As Ryan waddled up he heard Eric saying something to the group. "...finally ready. Time to meet the newest addition to the family. This is Ryan," he said, clapping a meaty paw on Ryan's shoulder. "Everybody give him a warm welcome."
He barely noticed their names as they introduced themselves and invited him to join them. One particularly handsome fat boy lumbered to his feet and waddled over to shake his hand. "Hey, I'm James," he said, smiling and brushing back his wavy hair. His own fat belly was barely contained in tight white tank top that appeared to be well the worse for wear, having assorted food stains and even a few holes where the fabric had given up trying to contain his girth. "Come on, you look hungry, man."
Laying down together amid the jumble of gorgeous fat dudes they began to explore each other, first with their hands, then their mouths. Ryan felt in daze, like he had when he'd first arrived, but now it was different somehow. He felt excited, electric. His newly fattened body came alive and every roll of fat was now an erogenous zone. At some point he felt someone spooning him from behind and realized it was Eric, his feeder and master, now his lover and... what? Patron? He suspected there was something more going on here, some catch to this deal, but for now he was content to enjoy the moment, and to take food that offered to him from an anonymous hand as gave himself over to pleasure. Eventually the rest of the guys joined them and Ryan lost all sense of time, of direction, as he was welcomed into his new family. Some time later he lay dozing, barely awake, pressed between two fat bellies, his own belly stretched and full and content, and realized he was happy. He was home.
---
Hey everyone! Sorry for the delay in getting this posted, and the brief interruption of access to the blog. I've had a bunch of stuff going on and been needing to concentrate on other things. I always say this, but hopefully the next post won't take so long! If anyone has ideas, suggestions, feedback, whatever, don't hesitate to contact me (gainerotic@gmail.com). I love to hear from all of you :)
He couldn't be quite sure, but Ryan guessed he'd been captive about three months when he was finally allowed to leave his room. He'd spent much of that time tied to the bed, helpless to resist as his jailor fed him an unending stream of fattening meals, swelling his gut larger than he'd imagined possible. And the truth was, he had to admit... he loved it.
Each day Eric would bring him huge trays loaded with food, and always that jug of sweet, delicious shake that made him hunger for every bite and more. His hunger increased exponentially as the days turned to weeks, and soon he was begging to be fed, despite the sheer magnitude of food he regularly consumed. And there was always more food ready to be eaten.
Often his feeder master would tease him, call him names, tell him what a fat pig he was growing into; it only fueled Ryan's immense appetite for more food, more FAT. As time went on, Eric began to join in the feedings, often tormenting Ryan by stuffing his own face while the fattened, hungry piglet moaned in hunger and envy, but also in ecstasy as he reveled in watching his master swell fatter and fatter. Finally, though, he was always rewarded and allowed to glut himself to his belly's content.
Every few days he was weighed and measured, always he was deemed "not quite ready", though for what, his master refused to say. Ready or not, however, Ryan loved his weigh-ins. He loved the heaviness and the swell of his growing belly, certainly, but something about seeing the numbers go up drove him wild. He'd blown past 235, his gut a small beach ball stretching his shirt, and then past 270, when the elastic in his briefs finally yielded to the pressure of now 48" waistline. At 300 he really began to feel his girth as he noticeably waddled and struggled to stand, though 340 was when he truly began to feel FAT.
Now, at 375 lbs, he found himself, post weigh-in, admiring himself in the big mirror in his bathroom. He could hardly believe the transformation. His round, fat belly stuck straight out from his abdomen like a giant beach ball, firm, but also soft and yielding to the touch. His meaty thighs supported a fat bubble butt and his arms were like most guys' thighs. His cock stood totally erect in his briefs (size XXXL, a gift when he hit 300) as he fondled the fatness of his new body.
Eric, himself pushing 300, belly sticking out of an unbuttoned flannel and briefs riding low beneath the round swell, gazed on in pride at his piglet slave and announced that it was time, he was finally ready to leave his room. Taking Ryan by the hand he led him through the door (which Ryan noted had begun to look a bit narrow), down a hallway, and into the main room of the house. Mansion would have been a better word.
He had no idea where Eric had gotten the money for this place but he evidently had plenty of it. The main room was an enormous lounge room, the central feature of which was a small swimming pool. All around the room were big, comfortable looking chairs and soft cushions for laying on. But the thing that really caught Ryan's attention were the other people in the room.
There were about a half-dozen guys sitting lounging around the pool, all in their twenties, all exceptionally handsome, and all fat like Ryan. Most were about his size or a little bigger, but one must have been well over 400 and another pushing 500. They were all lounging together, eating and feeding each other, fat bellies proudly displayed as they lazily satiated their gluttony.
Ryan felt his cock throbbing and his belly rumbling, despite having just finished his usual fatboy's breakfast. His mouth watered and he found himself shaking slightly.
Eric laughed softly. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the rest of the guys," he said and headed over to where the group of gorgeous fat men were lounging.
As Ryan waddled up he heard Eric saying something to the group. "...finally ready. Time to meet the newest addition to the family. This is Ryan," he said, clapping a meaty paw on Ryan's shoulder. "Everybody give him a warm welcome."
He barely noticed their names as they introduced themselves and invited him to join them. One particularly handsome fat boy lumbered to his feet and waddled over to shake his hand. "Hey, I'm James," he said, smiling and brushing back his wavy hair. His own fat belly was barely contained in tight white tank top that appeared to be well the worse for wear, having assorted food stains and even a few holes where the fabric had given up trying to contain his girth. "Come on, you look hungry, man."
Laying down together amid the jumble of gorgeous fat dudes they began to explore each other, first with their hands, then their mouths. Ryan felt in daze, like he had when he'd first arrived, but now it was different somehow. He felt excited, electric. His newly fattened body came alive and every roll of fat was now an erogenous zone. At some point he felt someone spooning him from behind and realized it was Eric, his feeder and master, now his lover and... what? Patron? He suspected there was something more going on here, some catch to this deal, but for now he was content to enjoy the moment, and to take food that offered to him from an anonymous hand as gave himself over to pleasure. Eventually the rest of the guys joined them and Ryan lost all sense of time, of direction, as he was welcomed into his new family. Some time later he lay dozing, barely awake, pressed between two fat bellies, his own belly stretched and full and content, and realized he was happy. He was home.
---
Hey everyone! Sorry for the delay in getting this posted, and the brief interruption of access to the blog. I've had a bunch of stuff going on and been needing to concentrate on other things. I always say this, but hopefully the next post won't take so long! If anyone has ideas, suggestions, feedback, whatever, don't hesitate to contact me (gainerotic@gmail.com). I love to hear from all of you :)
Saturday, April 21, 2012
A Refreshing Rain Of Eroticism After A Long Drought
And what a drought it has been! A most sincere apology to all who have anxiously awaited the next post to my not-so-humble blog. I'll spare you all the details of the delay, and just say it's good to be back! If all goes as planned, there will be more posts coming soon. And now, on with the show...
A Dream Come True... With A Little Help
Chapter 2
When Ryan awoke for the second time that day, he could tell that the light in the room had shifted considerably. Where before it seemed to be bright and coming in directly through the windows, it was now obviously much more dim, golden-hued, and indirect. Evidently he'd slept through most of the day.
After opening his eyes he lay in bed a few moments, breathing, thinking. He was on his back and could feel a distinct weightiness to his stomach, though it wasn't nearly as much as he imagined it should be, considering how much he had consumed that morning. With the covers pulled up to his chest, he could only make out the vague outline of a noticeable, though minor swell around the area of his gut. Shrugging after a few moments contemplation, and feeling remarkably mellow and content, he hoisted the covers away and gazed down in anticipation.
He guessed the swelling must have gone down a bit while he slept, or perhaps his memory and imagination had joined forces to produce a much greater expectation. In either event, his belly was really only slightly swollen, though the swelling was made particularly distinct by the otherwise slenderness of his build. His abs still retained some definition, but a definite swell lifted the arc of his belly gracefully from the base of his pecs all the way down to the base of his belly, where it gave way to his crotch.
Without thinking he reached down with his right hand and cupped the swell, tracing the protruding line of his underbelly with his palm and then his fingertips. Quickly his right hand was joined in exploration by his left, index finger tracing the rim of his belly button before his whole hand was gently rubbing the apex of the mound.
Suddenly he became aware of his actions and jerked his hands away self-consciously. Looking around, though, he remembered he was quite alone shook his head to clear his thoughts. "I need a piss," he thought and heaved (yes, he realized, that was really the word he would use to describe the action) himself to his feet, then padded to the second door out of the room - the one Eric had indicated lead to a bathroom.
The bathroom proved to be a rather spacious affair, with a huge, deep bathtub set into a raised platform at one side of the room, like a jacuzzi. Aide from that, though, the other amendments were somewhat unextraordinary, except, perhaps, for a floor to ceiling mirror lining one wall entire wall of the room.
After taking a leak and a quick splash of water in the face to help revive himself it was into this second remarkable feature of the room that Ryan found himself gazing. Wearing only briefs, the effect of his breakfast gorge was decidedly more apparent standing up. His lean, muscular legs, strong arms, firm pecs, and well-defined jaw line all cut a truly stunning contrast to the budding swell of his gut. Ryan found himself mesmerized by the sight of his own reflection. Turning first to one side, then the other, then back to front he became entirely transfixed by the image he saw before him.
He became so transfixed, in fact, that he failed to hear the soft click of a lock opening, followed by the opening and closing of the bedroom door. Suddenly, alongside his reflection he saw a gorgeous, round-gutted man leaning against the door frame behind him. Quickly he twirled to face his captor.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, more feebly than he had intended.
Again Eric shot him the grin that he was coming to recognize, sending shivers of trepidation, and excitement, down his spine. He wore tight briefs stretched across his crotch, and presumably his plump ass, and a white, sleeveless t-shirt at least two sizes too small, revealing a hairy swell of round gut exposed all the way to the belly button.
"I figured you might be up by now, stud, and wanted to check on you. I see you found the mirror," Eric responded in his deep, mellifluous voice. The tone and timber of that voice sent a whole new set of shivers running down Ryan's spine, and even, he realized, across the swell of his belly. Not knowing quite how to respond, he turned back to the mirror and traced the line of bloated belly again.
"How you feelin', Pig?" Eric inquired after a few moments pause.
"How long are you going to keep me here?" Ryan responded, ignoring Eric's question. "This is all fun and great, but I have a life to get back to. As much as this whole thing kinda intrigues me, it's just a fantasy, and one that I have no intention of taking any further."
The big man responded by sauntering up behind Eric and wrapping his arms around the slender jock boy. His big strong hands reached around to caress and stroke the burgeoning gut. For a while he didn't respond, just stroked that beautiful, potential-filled belly and nuzzled the back of Ryan's neck. Finally he said, in a low voice, almost a growl "You're no goin' anywhere, Pig." By this point Ryan had reached his arms around the back of his neck and was allowing himself to become intoxicated by the electric jolts to his cock with every stroke of a hairy paw to his gut and the feel of that warm round gut pressed against his back. He didn't even seem to hear Eric's response.
"Naw, boy... you're gonna be stayin' here with me," Eric continued. Gently prying himself off of the now entranced young stud he slipped around the bathroom door and emerged with another tray of food, closely resembling the one from the morning, and a gallon of that milky liquid.
Coming slightly out of his reverie, Ryan saw the heaping tray of food and started to turn around. Before he could turn to face him, though, Eric had him wrapped tightly in his arms, the tray of food set on a low table within arm's reach.
"Relax, Pig," Eric said in that melodious growl. "It's just time for your supper," and with that he reached for a cupcake and shoved it into Ryan's mouth. "Eat, boy," was all he said as shoved another one in, not waiting for Ryan to swallow, or even to chew. Athletic or no, Ryan was no match for the strength of Eric's arms. Another cupcake went in, and this time it was followed by more of that sweet, milky substance. Then two more cupcakes were followed by another swig of shake.
Slowly, Ryan began to feel different... content... calm... hungry. He ceased his struggles and gazed back into the mirror. He reached down to grab the massive erection he could see tenting his briefs. "Not yet, Piglet," Eric growled in his ear, and his hand fell away. "Not until you're full. Very, very full." More food was pressed to his lips, more shake, and he settled in to watch.
It was one of the most surreal, and certainly most erotically exciting experiences of his life up to that point, watching himself be fed, stuffed, utterly glutted on enough food for six hungry grown men. It shouldn't fit inside me, he thought lazily at one point. There's just too much. But then his gaze would fall on his belly and he knew that somehow, it was all squeezing in there.
Though his appetite never seemed satisfied, his senses told him he should be full, beyond full. His gut was growing, swelling before his eyes, as though in competition with the fat round belly pressed against him. It was steep competition, but the hunger pangs racking his abdomen seemed hell bent on victory. The hunger grew, and grew, and unbelievably grew more as he gorged.
Between mouthfuls of food and groans of unimaginable pleasure he became dimly aware of a slight pain beneath his belly, around his waistline. He opened his eyes, having closed them in ecstasy, and realized what must be the cause. The waistband of his briefs were caught in an epic battle with the flesh they sought to contain. Every mouthful of food brought more mass to that flesh, causing it to swell and expand outward. If they hadn't been elastic, and brand new at that, they'd have been vanquished long before. As it was they now burned his skin gently, stretching as his body stretched, becoming bigger, rounder, fatter.
At some point the pace of feeding slowed, though did not yet cease. Looking in the mirror, Ryan was shocked by the transformation he had undergone. Where before a gentle arc protruded from beneath his pecs, he now boasted an immense swell, ball-shaped and protruding awkwardly, sloping at least six or seven inches out from his otherwise slender frame. He found the image, and the sensation, almost too erotic to bear.
"Fuck me," he uttered, barely audible and breathless. "Fuck me and feed me the rest."
Eric knelt and yanked the offending briefs from Ryan's body then stood back up and used first one foot, and then the other to spread the glutted stud's legs into a wider, deeper stance. Then he reached into his own briefs and yanked out his fat, thick cock. Spitting in his palm he spread the oral lube onto his rod and then thrusted it into his piglet's ass.
Ryan cried out briefly in pain and pleasure but was then silenced by another cupcake. The big man then continued to feed him slowly as he pumped his ass. The young stud gently caressed his own belly while he got stuffed from both ends, his own hard cock bouncing beneath the swell of his belly, visible only in his reflection.
Eventually, the food dwindled, and a last, low grunt Eric emptied his balls into Ryan's ass. Giving the growing butt a quick spank he came around his pig's front and pressed their bellies together and kissed him deeply. One hand then pumped the boy's cock while the other caressed his big swell until finally, moaning weakly and thoroughly entranced Ryan coated both of their round bellies with his jizz.
The big man then led the satiated young piglet back to his bed and lay beside him, caressing him into dreams of gluttony and satisfaction, ecstasy and release.
When Ryan finally awoke again, he felt as if he'd slept for days, so contented and relaxed he was. Then he felt it - the hunger, the ravenous, aching hunger. He tried to sit up in bed, to rise and stretch his languid muscles and... he could barely move. As he came fully awake, he realized why: his arms were tied, presumably to the corners of the bed's headboard, just as a quick glance over the swell of his belly revealed his ankles to be similarly tied at the foot.
Just as his heart began to race, the lock clicked and the door opened. In came Eric, belly stretching a flannel shirt, mounded tray of food in one hand, gallon of milkshake in the other.
"Ready for breakfast, Pig?"
The growl of hunger echoing from his distended belly was his only reply...
To be continued...
A Dream Come True... With A Little Help
Chapter 2
When Ryan awoke for the second time that day, he could tell that the light in the room had shifted considerably. Where before it seemed to be bright and coming in directly through the windows, it was now obviously much more dim, golden-hued, and indirect. Evidently he'd slept through most of the day.
After opening his eyes he lay in bed a few moments, breathing, thinking. He was on his back and could feel a distinct weightiness to his stomach, though it wasn't nearly as much as he imagined it should be, considering how much he had consumed that morning. With the covers pulled up to his chest, he could only make out the vague outline of a noticeable, though minor swell around the area of his gut. Shrugging after a few moments contemplation, and feeling remarkably mellow and content, he hoisted the covers away and gazed down in anticipation.
He guessed the swelling must have gone down a bit while he slept, or perhaps his memory and imagination had joined forces to produce a much greater expectation. In either event, his belly was really only slightly swollen, though the swelling was made particularly distinct by the otherwise slenderness of his build. His abs still retained some definition, but a definite swell lifted the arc of his belly gracefully from the base of his pecs all the way down to the base of his belly, where it gave way to his crotch.
Without thinking he reached down with his right hand and cupped the swell, tracing the protruding line of his underbelly with his palm and then his fingertips. Quickly his right hand was joined in exploration by his left, index finger tracing the rim of his belly button before his whole hand was gently rubbing the apex of the mound.
Suddenly he became aware of his actions and jerked his hands away self-consciously. Looking around, though, he remembered he was quite alone shook his head to clear his thoughts. "I need a piss," he thought and heaved (yes, he realized, that was really the word he would use to describe the action) himself to his feet, then padded to the second door out of the room - the one Eric had indicated lead to a bathroom.
The bathroom proved to be a rather spacious affair, with a huge, deep bathtub set into a raised platform at one side of the room, like a jacuzzi. Aide from that, though, the other amendments were somewhat unextraordinary, except, perhaps, for a floor to ceiling mirror lining one wall entire wall of the room.
After taking a leak and a quick splash of water in the face to help revive himself it was into this second remarkable feature of the room that Ryan found himself gazing. Wearing only briefs, the effect of his breakfast gorge was decidedly more apparent standing up. His lean, muscular legs, strong arms, firm pecs, and well-defined jaw line all cut a truly stunning contrast to the budding swell of his gut. Ryan found himself mesmerized by the sight of his own reflection. Turning first to one side, then the other, then back to front he became entirely transfixed by the image he saw before him.
He became so transfixed, in fact, that he failed to hear the soft click of a lock opening, followed by the opening and closing of the bedroom door. Suddenly, alongside his reflection he saw a gorgeous, round-gutted man leaning against the door frame behind him. Quickly he twirled to face his captor.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, more feebly than he had intended.
Again Eric shot him the grin that he was coming to recognize, sending shivers of trepidation, and excitement, down his spine. He wore tight briefs stretched across his crotch, and presumably his plump ass, and a white, sleeveless t-shirt at least two sizes too small, revealing a hairy swell of round gut exposed all the way to the belly button.
"I figured you might be up by now, stud, and wanted to check on you. I see you found the mirror," Eric responded in his deep, mellifluous voice. The tone and timber of that voice sent a whole new set of shivers running down Ryan's spine, and even, he realized, across the swell of his belly. Not knowing quite how to respond, he turned back to the mirror and traced the line of bloated belly again.
"How you feelin', Pig?" Eric inquired after a few moments pause.
"How long are you going to keep me here?" Ryan responded, ignoring Eric's question. "This is all fun and great, but I have a life to get back to. As much as this whole thing kinda intrigues me, it's just a fantasy, and one that I have no intention of taking any further."
The big man responded by sauntering up behind Eric and wrapping his arms around the slender jock boy. His big strong hands reached around to caress and stroke the burgeoning gut. For a while he didn't respond, just stroked that beautiful, potential-filled belly and nuzzled the back of Ryan's neck. Finally he said, in a low voice, almost a growl "You're no goin' anywhere, Pig." By this point Ryan had reached his arms around the back of his neck and was allowing himself to become intoxicated by the electric jolts to his cock with every stroke of a hairy paw to his gut and the feel of that warm round gut pressed against his back. He didn't even seem to hear Eric's response.
"Naw, boy... you're gonna be stayin' here with me," Eric continued. Gently prying himself off of the now entranced young stud he slipped around the bathroom door and emerged with another tray of food, closely resembling the one from the morning, and a gallon of that milky liquid.
Coming slightly out of his reverie, Ryan saw the heaping tray of food and started to turn around. Before he could turn to face him, though, Eric had him wrapped tightly in his arms, the tray of food set on a low table within arm's reach.
"Relax, Pig," Eric said in that melodious growl. "It's just time for your supper," and with that he reached for a cupcake and shoved it into Ryan's mouth. "Eat, boy," was all he said as shoved another one in, not waiting for Ryan to swallow, or even to chew. Athletic or no, Ryan was no match for the strength of Eric's arms. Another cupcake went in, and this time it was followed by more of that sweet, milky substance. Then two more cupcakes were followed by another swig of shake.
Slowly, Ryan began to feel different... content... calm... hungry. He ceased his struggles and gazed back into the mirror. He reached down to grab the massive erection he could see tenting his briefs. "Not yet, Piglet," Eric growled in his ear, and his hand fell away. "Not until you're full. Very, very full." More food was pressed to his lips, more shake, and he settled in to watch.
It was one of the most surreal, and certainly most erotically exciting experiences of his life up to that point, watching himself be fed, stuffed, utterly glutted on enough food for six hungry grown men. It shouldn't fit inside me, he thought lazily at one point. There's just too much. But then his gaze would fall on his belly and he knew that somehow, it was all squeezing in there.
Though his appetite never seemed satisfied, his senses told him he should be full, beyond full. His gut was growing, swelling before his eyes, as though in competition with the fat round belly pressed against him. It was steep competition, but the hunger pangs racking his abdomen seemed hell bent on victory. The hunger grew, and grew, and unbelievably grew more as he gorged.
Between mouthfuls of food and groans of unimaginable pleasure he became dimly aware of a slight pain beneath his belly, around his waistline. He opened his eyes, having closed them in ecstasy, and realized what must be the cause. The waistband of his briefs were caught in an epic battle with the flesh they sought to contain. Every mouthful of food brought more mass to that flesh, causing it to swell and expand outward. If they hadn't been elastic, and brand new at that, they'd have been vanquished long before. As it was they now burned his skin gently, stretching as his body stretched, becoming bigger, rounder, fatter.
At some point the pace of feeding slowed, though did not yet cease. Looking in the mirror, Ryan was shocked by the transformation he had undergone. Where before a gentle arc protruded from beneath his pecs, he now boasted an immense swell, ball-shaped and protruding awkwardly, sloping at least six or seven inches out from his otherwise slender frame. He found the image, and the sensation, almost too erotic to bear.
"Fuck me," he uttered, barely audible and breathless. "Fuck me and feed me the rest."
Eric knelt and yanked the offending briefs from Ryan's body then stood back up and used first one foot, and then the other to spread the glutted stud's legs into a wider, deeper stance. Then he reached into his own briefs and yanked out his fat, thick cock. Spitting in his palm he spread the oral lube onto his rod and then thrusted it into his piglet's ass.
Ryan cried out briefly in pain and pleasure but was then silenced by another cupcake. The big man then continued to feed him slowly as he pumped his ass. The young stud gently caressed his own belly while he got stuffed from both ends, his own hard cock bouncing beneath the swell of his belly, visible only in his reflection.
Eventually, the food dwindled, and a last, low grunt Eric emptied his balls into Ryan's ass. Giving the growing butt a quick spank he came around his pig's front and pressed their bellies together and kissed him deeply. One hand then pumped the boy's cock while the other caressed his big swell until finally, moaning weakly and thoroughly entranced Ryan coated both of their round bellies with his jizz.
The big man then led the satiated young piglet back to his bed and lay beside him, caressing him into dreams of gluttony and satisfaction, ecstasy and release.
When Ryan finally awoke again, he felt as if he'd slept for days, so contented and relaxed he was. Then he felt it - the hunger, the ravenous, aching hunger. He tried to sit up in bed, to rise and stretch his languid muscles and... he could barely move. As he came fully awake, he realized why: his arms were tied, presumably to the corners of the bed's headboard, just as a quick glance over the swell of his belly revealed his ankles to be similarly tied at the foot.
Just as his heart began to race, the lock clicked and the door opened. In came Eric, belly stretching a flannel shirt, mounded tray of food in one hand, gallon of milkshake in the other.
"Ready for breakfast, Pig?"
The growl of hunger echoing from his distended belly was his only reply...
To be continued...
Friday, February 17, 2012
And now for something erotic...
Sorry for the long delay, everyone! I am very easily distracted. One of the original motivations I had for putting this blog together was to post some erotic gainer fiction, so here we go! Here is the first installment of a new series I am working on. It's a bit tame by some standards, but I want to use it as a jumping off point. (Note: Thanks to all who have commented and contacted me! I have received several requests and will incorporate them as time goes on.)
A Dream Come True... With A Little Help
Chapter 1
Ryan woke up groggy. He slowly came awake feeling a heaviness in his limbs and an ache in his head that told him he'd had a late night. He remembered going out with some friends to celebrate someone's birthday, and they'd decided to go bar hopping. He remembered the first three, but after that... It was no use, the memory wouldn't come. He's have to catch a recap later. In the meantime, it was time to hydrate and grab some aspirin.
Slowly, cautiously he opened his heavy eyelids. The light was dim, which seemed odd as his bedroom usually got lots of morning sunlight. As he continued his drowsy climb toward full consciousness, however, he began to realize something was out of place - him. This was not his bedroom! The room he found himself in was sparsely, but comfortably furnished. He was laying in a huge, low-sitting king sized bed with a heavy down comforter pulled up to his waistline (and on closer inspection he discovered he was in fact nude underneath). The rest of the room was bare, except for a small table by the bed, some floor pillows, and a large flat screen TV sitting on a stand across from the foot of the bed. Heavy drapes covered the two windows, which was probably why it was so dim. There were two doors leading out of the room. Where was he??
Gradually, his memories from the previous night began to emerge. He remembered meeting someone, a guy, at one of the bars, maybe the third or fourth. He couldn't remember much, just that they had hit it off remarkably well; evidently he'd gone home with the guy. It wasn't that unbelievable, he did like to have a good time after all, though it was a bit unusual for him to get so drunk he wouldn't remember.
As he lay rummaging through his foggy memories he heard the sound of footsteps outside one of the doors, and then a gentle knock. Without waiting for an answer the door opened and in walked the guy from the previous night (he was pretty sure).
"Rise and shine, stud! It's a beautiful day." He proceeded to pull back the drapes to reveal much more light weight curtains underneath which let in the light of a seemingly very sunny day. Several seconds later, once his weary eyes had adjusted to the new light, Ryan got a better look at the man who was standing next to the bed looking down at him with a cocky, conspiratorial smile on his face. He looked about Ryan's age and stood about 5'10 and short, dark hair and what looked like a few days growth of beard. He was wearing a tight t-shirt and boxer briefs, neither of which left much to the imagination. His arms and legs were fairly muscular, but the t-shirt was stretched over a substantial beer gut, which made the boxer briefs ride low around the swell.
"How you feelin', party boy?" he asked, sitting down on the bed next to Ryan. "You seemed pretty tipsy last night."
Groaning in embarrassment Ryan fell flat back onto the plush pillows and covered his face. "Dude, I'm sorry about that. I never get that drunk! I don't know what came over me." Peaking through his fingers he saw that the guy still wore that impish grin. Exhaling loudly and sitting back up he smiled weakly. "Man, I'm sorry - I don't even remember your name. Did we, uh....?"
That grin seemed to get even wider as the guy chuckled and shook his head. "Nah, you were a bit too far gone for that. Hey - don't sweat it! We've all been there," he added quickly as Ryan made a wry face and fell back once more on the pillows. He felt a strong hand gently massage his thigh through the comforter and opened his eyes again. "We just fooled around a bit and then passed - er, went to sleep. I'm Eric. Nice to meet you again, Ryan," he said said smiling.
"Well," Ryan began, making a motion to get out of bed, "I should really get going..."
"Hey, hey not so fast, hot stuff," Eric replied gently pushing him back onto the pillows. "Relax a bit. Have some breakfast, I already made it for you." Without waiting for a response he crossed to the door and was gone. Ryan lay back and closed his eyes. Maybe he should rest a bit before he took off. Besides Eric was really hot, and he seemed to remember then getting on really well the night before. "What can it hurt?" he thought to himself. "This guy is hot; maybe we can fool around some more." He chuckled softly at the thought and relaxed.
A minute later the door opened and in came Eric, laden with a huge tray of food, which he set on the table next to the bed. On closer inspection Ryan realized just how much food was on the tray, enough to feed a large family, at least. There was bacon and eggs, pancakes and toast, both dripping in butter, muffins and fruit. There was also a gallon jug of... something. He couldn't tell what but it looked creamy.
He looked at Eric with wide eyes. "Is that all for me, or are you expecting an army?"
Eric glanced at him sidelong and for just a moment the grin faded. However, it immediately returned as Eric asked "You don't remember last night very well, do you? Do you remember what we talked about? What you told me, about what you'd always wanted? How I said I could make it come true for you?"
Ryan closed his eyes and thought back. His memory was just so blurry... what had he told this guy? Suddenly his stomach clenched and he opened his eyes. No way, it wasn't possible! Had he been that drunk? He'd never talked about that to anyone before... and yet... here he was, with a gorgeous guy, and that tray of food... He looked over at Eric, his eyes wide with alarm and just a bit of excitement.
"Ooooh yesssss." Now Eric wore a different smile, not malicious, but certainly devious, and his eyes glinted with anticipation. "This is going to be even more fun than I thought." With that he easily straddled Ryan's slender waist and pushed his arms up over his head. He leaned in and kissed him full on the mouth and Ryan, feeling his excitement mount, despite his misgivings, kissed back, full and deep. He could feel that firm, round gut pressed against his flat belly and it made his dick stand straight up. Sitting upright, Eric looked down at Ryan in appreciation, his trim, build with lean muscle, his wavy dark blonde hair. He leaned over and grabbed the first plate of food, pancakes dripping with butter and syrup and lifted the fork to Ryan's mouth. Ryan, mesmerized, opened his mouth and allowed himself to be fed.
Later, he couldn't say what it was that made him take that first bite, though he had an idea. All his life he'd dreamed of this, of being kidnapped, being held against his will, and being made to eat, eat like a beast until he was... fat, fat and bursting out of his clothes. Now, against all his better judgment, for just a moment, just a flash of an instant, he let his guard down, thus sealing his fate.
As Eric sat straddled on him, he ate. He ate the entire plate full of pancakes. He devoured the next plate too, piled high with sausages and biscuits. The third plate went down faster than the second, all eight muffins, which he normally couldn't eat in a single sitting. Somewhere between the third and fifth plates the gallon jug was put to his lips and he drank deep of the thick, milky substance it contained. His feeding became frenzied, almost frantic as he struggled to consume more and more food. Dimly he was aware of a tightness in his abdomen. He could feel his flat, firm belly swelling as he gorged himself on an unimaginable quantity of food. The feeling just excited him more, he could feel his cock erect under Eric's ass, in fact, as his stomach swelled he could feel Eric's thick, hard cock pressed against the bottom of his gut, straining through his boxer briefs.
Ryan began to pump his hips in rhythm with his eating. Between swallows he moaned in pleasure, and groaned at the pressure building in his stomach. At some point he looked down and saw his belly, normally flat, now protruding, incredibly bloated. Pressed against it, having come free of the restraining underwear, was Eric's cock, now sandwiched between their two round, fat bellies. The sight was almost too much for Ryan to take. Moaning in pleasure he opened his mouth wide to receive the next bite of food he knew would be there, anxious to get to his belly. Every bite seemed to entice him more and more, making him somehow hungrier for the next mouthful. It defied all logic, but at the moment he wasn't interested in understanding. He only wanted MORE!
Finally it became too much, the pressure in his gut, the hot dude stuffing him, his cock pumping against that bubble ass, and with a loud, low growl he came, shooting spurt after spurt of hot jizz onto Eric's backside. As he lay there panting, he realized his own belly was now coated with a layer of cum, and Eric was sitting upright, one arm stretched behind his head, the other hand tracing circles around his fat round belly.
"Oh man, you are gonna be FUN," he announced, after a moment's appreciative gaze at the boy he had just stuffed. "I'm gonna go clean up and take care of some things, but you're going to stay right here and rest." He stood up and adjusted his t-shirt and underwear, then leaned over and kissed Ryan again on the mouth. "That door there," he indicated the second door out of the room, "is your bathroom. Once you've rested a bit, go in and take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. Take a good mental picture, because that trim sexy body of yours is about to disappear."
The sexy, big-bellied man gathered the tray and dishes and walked to the door he had come in through. Ryan, still reeling from his orgasm, as well as pinned by the swell of gut, was helpless to move. Casting one last glance and that devious, impish grin, Eric turned and left. Ryan heard the distinct sound of a lock clicking shut. Somewhere in the back of his mind, an alarm went off, shouting "Get up! Get out of here!" But he was just too stuffed, too incredibly bloated to move. Besides, he was feeling rather sleepy, and the bed was so comfortable. In moments he had drifted off, the swell of his belly rising and falling gently as he dozed. His dreams, when they came, were full of dark foreboding, sexual excitement, and an uncanny, insatiable hunger...
To be continued...
And that concludes the first chapter of a new story that's still in the works. I hope you all enjoyed it! Please feel free to send comments and feedback.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
On Gluttony and the Joy of Getting Fat
I'm sure all of you gainers out there can relate to this experience, and all you encouragers can relate indirectly (as a gainer and encourager myself I understand the desire to FEED too!). There is something undeniably sensual about eating in general, I think. Even people who've never heard of G/E and wouldn't be interested if they had still find some form of eating erotic. What can I say? Food is hot. It's visceral, it's primal, and it's sensual. In fact it's sensual in the literal sense - it fascinates almost every sense. It can be beautiful to look at. Certainly it should taste and smell good. And, less obviously, it can FEEL good. As a chef, I could talk for hours all about texture, but as a gainer I want to talk about how it feels to eat and to get full, and what an incredible turn on it is.
It begins with a trip to the store. Well, really it begins even before that. As I mentioned before, I get horny a lot. I know, it's a curse. So my gluttony usually begins with a feeling of mild arousal. I think to myself, I could take care of this quickly, or I could have some fun. Whenever time and funds allow, I'm sure you can guess my decision. Then comes a trip to the store. I find that even the trip itself is erotic to me. I invariably get hard as I walk through the aisles selecting fattening foods to take home and devour. My arousal increases with each addition to my basket, as I pile it full of donuts, cookies, heavy cream, peanut butter, ice cream, and anything else that will expand my girth.
By the time I get home I'm like a beast. I throw on a pair of tight briefs and a tight t-shirt and go to town. I'm amazed sometimes by how much I can eat when I'm turned on - I seem to have no limits! As my belly fills up and expands the feeling of tightness and fullness sends waves of pleasure through my whole body, increasing my arousal exponentially. The combination of this sensation of fullness and the experience of real growth is, thus far, the hottest experience I've ever had. This, I believe, is the key difference between a chub and a gainer. While a chub may enjoy the experience of being fat, as a gainer the very cornerstone of my sexuality is the experience of getting fat, of growing, expanding, and swelling my gut. In this regard eating is more than an analog for sexual pleasure, the two actually merge so that satisfaction of one desire (hunger, desire to grow) in fact directly satisfies the other (sexual desire).
When I take a moment to consider these things, I realize that most, if not all of my erotic fantasies involve eating and, specifically, gluttony, or eating to excess in some way or another. I suppose that's the definition of what a gainer is, really. What I find even more interesting, however, is the many forms it comes in. For example, to name just a few of my personal favorites, there is competitive eating, where two guys go head to head in order to 'out eat' each other; or force feeding, where one guy is (generally restrained and) made to consume outrageous quantities of food; or sexual feeding, where food and feeding are integrated into more "conventional" sexual acts (I go nuts at the prospect of a feed-n-fuck).
Friday, January 27, 2012
Walking the line
I'll be honest with you, man to blog-reader. I'm still searching for just the right place for fantasy to stop, reality to begin, and vice versa. I think for gainers it's maybe even that much harder than for folks who enjoy other fetishes, due to the sheer obvious outward impact of indulging in our fantasies; however, due to the fact that this has been touched on quite deftly by several other esteemed gainer bloggers, I won't explore that point too much. But now I'd like to let you in on a little secret I discovered: it isn't so much a hard and drawn line separating wet dreams and a boring office job, as it is more of an organic, permeable, ever-shifting border territory between two very connected aspects of the same whole. I think the key, at least as far as I have found, is explore that territory, boldly at times, gently at others, and to just have FUN. Remember, at the end of the day we're talking about something erotic and sexy and hot... it SHOULD be fun!
Part of what I think makes fantasies so exciting and erotic is that they take us out of our "normal" selves and lives and let us be whoever, and whatever, we want. I have to laugh sometimes when I think about it. I don't think I would get so turned on by acting out being hyper masculine, or sloppy, or greedy, or what have you if I weren't actually very much the opposite in dealing with the outside world. I LOVE getting out of my tidy, conscientious, responsible, sensible (OK, that might be going just a bit far) self and getting totally PIGGED UP. I think that the very taboo nature of erotic fantasy is what makes it so totally, outrageously hot. At least for me.
For example, I like to come home from work (or out with friends or whatever), take off my fashionable or sensible clothes, and get into character. I think that clothing can be a huge part of that transformation, helping psychologically metamorphose from one persona into another. In fact, I have a whole drawer in my dresser dedicated to clothes that turn me on! I start by putting on some tight briefs, and then a really tight pair of jeans, or, if I plan on gorging myself, a pair of old gym shorts (elastic waist). I always like to wear a tight shirt of some kind - usually a wifebeater; for me there is almost nothing as hot as feeling a shirt ride up the swell of my belly. Then I start to accessorize - baseball cap, tube socks, and other things that play into my own sense of fantasy.
Once I'm all geared up, then the fun really gets started. Now I feel that I am no longer my "normal" self, but a transformed self, one that allows me the safety to do and be who I want, but don't feel comfortable expressing in other venues. Now I can belch and fart and scratch my crotch all I want. I can stuff my face with donuts and pizza, swig heavy cream, thrust my pelvis while I rub my fat swollen gut, and generally be a fat man pig. This is the height of eroticism for me - the complete transformation into what I find most viscerally, sexually desirable.
As I mentioned before, I have a lot of fantasies. I mean, a LOT of fantasies. I expect to explore all of them at some point here, and I would love to hear back from other guys about their fantasies so I can add more richness and depth to the overall erotic experience of this blog. For all of my imagination, I feel I am constantly being introduced to new kinks, new fantasies, and new forms of sexual expression that I never dreamed existed. I like that. I like that a lot. Creativity keeps things fresh an interesting. While I know I'm not into every kink out there, I'm happy to discover that I can at least be sympathetically turned on by most things - as long as it follows my only two rules for erotica: be respectful, and HAVE FUN!
Thanks to everyone for checking out my little blog and for all the positive feedback I have received! That sort of thing is what keeps me going on a project like this. Please stay tuned for upcoming posts on online chatting, gluttony, shopping for clothes, and a hundred and one different kinks!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
In The Beginning...
| Ahem. Maestro, cue the theme music! (Begin theme from 2001: A Space Odessey) In the beginning, there was the t-shirt and the ball. Beneath the t-shirt the belly was flat and formless. Then a (pre, pre, pre, pre) pre-sexual impulse guided the ball under the t-shirt, and Lo! there was form to the belly, and roundness, and all manner of fat fantasies came forth... And that's how it all began. My earliest memories of gaining begin before I can really even remember, but I know that by four years old stuffing a ball under my shirt was old hat. Soon my technique came to be refined and I was using pillows and stuffed animals. When my friends came over to spend the night, sometimes we would "play fat" and pad ourselves, pretending to be hugely fat. Then, on a fateful day around the age of 8, I was (albeit gently) confronted about this unusual passtime by my mother, who reminded me of the health risks to obesity and so on and so forth. So my padding went underground, both literally and figuratively. But it definitely didn't go away. Fast forward to puberty and I was padding daily after school. Everday I would come home and sneak my stepdad's musky work clothes (he was a construction worker, much more on him later...) out of the hamper and pad myself. I would spend the hours before my parents got home waddling around the house, looking at myself in the mirror, rubbing my huge fatness, and generally being a hornball. In fact, my first orgasm was hands-free and padding-induced: I loved padding all the down into my crotch and around my legs; one day while waddling around the friction between the padding in my crotch and my outrageously horny pubescent penis produced my first explosion. It would be another year or two before I discovered true masturbation, but I was already hooked on a feeling, as they say. By the time I got to college I had put padding behind me, though my sexual fantasies still focused around fat, and, specifically, getting fat. I didn't have a computer of my own, this being back in the prehistoric years of the mid 1990s, and the internet was in its infancy anyway. Then, one day a few years later, surfing a friends computer after he went to bed (trashy, I know, right?) I discovered the iconic Gainrweb. Well, I don't think I have to tell you where all the blood in my body rushed on discovering THAT gem! I still didn't have a computer of my own so I printed some photos and stories and cherished them for years. Not only was I not a freak, but I also wasn't alone! There were other gay guys into this stuff! I was in my late twenties when I finally had a computer of my own and right away I got to exploring. For a long time Yahoo gainer groups were my primary outlet for sexual fantasies. Then Yahoo groups led me to gainers on Myspace, and that led me to BeefyFrat, and now Grommr. When I look back, I wish I could somehow tell the lonely gainer I was in my early to mid twenties that someday there would be community like I couldn't even imagine yet. It still blows my mind. There were still a few hurdles to jump, however, before I could actually become a gainer myself. For a long time I considered myself an admirer. I just liked to look, and fantasize, but certianly not do. Never! But, in time, thanks to finally actually chatting with others in the community my inhibitions began to recede and my fantasies had new life breathed into them. Suddenly things were really POSSIBLE! Then, something strange began to happen... Growing up I was sort of a chubby kid. Not really chubby, just, you know, and "indoor" kid. I would rather be reading than playing sports. You know what I mean. But then I got into martial arts, and in college I even studied dance (along with music) and, being a young, moderately hip, urban homo I had an image to consider and I stayed thin. It was hard for me - my Irish/German ancestry wanted me to eat potatoes and drink beer, but I was vegan for almost ten years (Hippie alert!! Hippie alert!!) and that helped me stay trim, despite my detached gainer fantasies. But getting back to our story, here I was, finally beginning to explore the gainer world on a more tangible (if still entirely virtual) level. Well, I was getting a little older (i.e. turning 30), and the pounds were harder and harder to keep off. I gave up veganism for regular old vegetarianism (I am still a vegetarian), and gave up nicotine (yes, I was a smoker). And slowly, almost without my noticing, the pounds began to creep on. I went from 150 when I turned thiry (I am 5'7" ) to 170 a year later. And I LIKED it. I still wasn't ready to call myself a gainer, but I started taking pictures, and I realized I liked that too. I liked, no I LOVED showing off my expanding belly! It was an incredible turn on for me to pose, push my belly out, and all around just let go and give in to the deep, visceral, sexual pleasure of getting FAT, even if it was still (mostly) just fantasy. Some of the last obstacles to realizing a gainer reality came about three years ago, when my partner and I moved from our beloved Wisconsin homeland to the suburban wilds of Southern California. We had been together about two years at this point, and he still knew nothing of my burgeoning gainer sexuality. So, I decided that before we took this monumental step together I needed to be honest about who I was and what I wanted. I'm happy to say that from that day right up to this one he has been nothing but supportive and understanding of the whole thing. In fact, even though he himself really isn't into gaining or encouraging per se, it has opened up interesting new doors for us, and he has been all about indulging in my fantasies (and I in his!). This part I recount mainly for those reading this (hello?? Hello?? Anyone there??) who are in commited relationships but not "out" to their partners. Certainly I have been particularly lucky with mine, but coming out doesn't have to mean the end of the world. So, that pretty much brings us up to the present. I have to say that moving to a new town was a huge opportunity for me getting comfortable with the idea of gaining weight. I mean, sure, it's one thing in the bedroom to want to get fat, but translating that to the street can be tough (as I'm sure most gainers can attest to). But being in a new place you get to give a whole new impression of who you are when you meet people and really start new in a lot of ways. So, with support from my partner, insight from an outstanding (now sadly departed and dearly missed) therapist, and the encouragement of countless online brothers I have slowly embarked on a real life journey of fatness. From shoving a ball under my shirt as a little kid to shoving donuts in my mouth as an adult, this has been a pretty wild trip, but I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy to have people to share it with (psst! Psst! I mean YOU, oh gracious blog reader! So those are my goals: tell a story, reflect and be thoughtful, and HAVE SOME FUN! In the coming days, weeks, and months, I will be sharing stories, personal accounts, thoughts, and erotic dreams for any who want to swing by my little corner of the world wide web. I'm hoping at least a few of you will want to engage, comment, and even contribute, though there's no pressure. There is only one rule of the land: Please be respectful! Of me, our community, and, most of all, yourself. That being said, let's have some fun! -Gainerotic |
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